Forgiveness

Forgive and forget.

A by-line from my childhood. Like so many other '80s children I was taught that when someone hurts you, it is your job to forgive them and forget what they did.

But what if that hurt is so big that it is unforgiveable? And what if they keep doing the same thing over and over again to no avail?

When Jesus tells the disciples that they are to forgive to the umpteenth degree, I honestly do not believe that Christ was expecting us to become doormats for those who would abuse us. Nor do I believe that Christ was wanting us welcome long-term abusers into our lives with no accountability or recompense.

For far too long the Church has been the safe harbor of abusers and molesters while expecting their victims to get over it and forgive them. To move on. To forget the life-long damage done.

Often while the abuse continues.

No longer can we remain silent while harm continues.

No longer can we perpetuate harmful theology dressed up as God's will.

No longer can we hide or side with those who would hurt those closest to God's heart.

Jesus believed in reconciliation - including with ourselves. And for survivors of abuse, that means first and foremost getting out and being safe. That means never forgetting what happened. That means being ensconced with people who will protect you from those who have caused you harm. Period. Forgiveness in these cases is part of a much longer journey that likely will never involve even saying it to the perpetrator. And it can never be forced nor demanded.

As for those who caused the harm, that is between them and God and the criminal justice system. Yes, we are to minister to those in prison. That is where we should be ministering to those abusers. Never in our churches where they can do more harm - at least not when those who could be harmed are around.

This is the important disclaimer on forgiveness. Yes, we forgive. Eventually. But we are not Jesus. We work through a process of reconciliation which means that we ensure that all the "little ones" and the "least of these" Jesus told us to protect are protected first. Women. Children. Those who are different because God made them that way. Those whose bodies are differently abled so that they cannot protect themselves.

We never forget when trust is broken. It can be regained. But slowly. Sometimes at the rate of molasses.

And it is hard. It is messy. On so many more levels than most can possibly imagine.

But church must be a safe zone for those who God cares for most. Period.

See you Sunday.

Blessings,

Rev. Janie